disco-munication

here is gone

2010-02-12T16:45:00.000-08:00

If you are looking for me, I am already gone.

You can find me here.

art is hard

2010-01-15T15:24:00.000-08:00

Google.

Listening to: "Hardwire" - Metric

Art needs a come back. I feel that the process of creating higher art seems lost and someone needs to find it. Going back to the basics may be the salvation art needs to return to its purest form. Let's start a Renaissance revival!

If you need to feed your hunger for music, my sister, Mel operates a blog that serves reviews on some delectable sounds. While focusing on the true essence of each album, Mellow Yellow Music gives you the skinny on some of the best music out there.

the happy list

2010-01-09T16:13:00.000-08:00

Wonder by Alex Gray

Listening to: For Emma, Forever Ago (Album) - Bon Iver

Opposed to writing another life-loathing post, I decided to write a list of some of the things that I enjoy in life.

In no particular order...

- poetry

- film

- the ocean

- writing

- singing in the car

- Diet Coke

- rainy days

- drawing with charcoal

- makeup

- taking pictures

- kissing

- reading

- family

- debating

- people watching

- tea

- friendship

- grammar

- comic books

- fashion

- music

- being creative

- sandwiches

- philosophising

- making lists

- peoples' quirks

Everyone should make a "happy list." They sure do brighten your day!

confessions made while in fetal position

2010-01-07T16:13:00.000-08:00

"Sleeping Girl" by Susanna Mayer (http://smayer.gr/)

Listening to: "Across the Universe" - Fiona Apple

Sometimes I wonder why I feel so afraid of achieving happiness. I just wrap myself up in my sadness security blanket. I become so afraid of failure that it seems pointless to try.

These are things that I need to work on.

I just want to become a "mover of lives," and make a difference. How am I supposed to do that when all I do is sleep? This constant coma will be the end of me. How many times do I need to hit the snooze button before I finally wake up?

These are more things that I need to add to the list.

I know that the change lies within myself. I can receive all the help and assistance in the world (which of course, I am eternally grateful for), but everything needs to happen with my own hands. It will not be easy, but I could use a good challenge these days.

And yes, typing while in fetal position is not very comfortable. Not at all.

this is the new year, and i don't feel any different

2010-01-06T17:56:00.001-08:00

Google images.

Listening to: "Mr. Larkin" - State Radio

New Years Resolution: Become the ace in my own deck of cards. If I am not the ace, then I will always lose.

Post script: Thank you, Theo, for your wise words (above). Thank you, Mel, for being friends with Theo.

the question

2009-12-19T12:36:00.000-08:00

An oldie from 2006. Edited by Rob.

Listening to:"Cut It Out" - Anya Marina

Last night, I asked someone about his criteria for a "good film." This loaded question has yet to come to any semblance of a perfect answer, but I thought I would entertain the idea on my blog.

Please note that I have never attended a film class. I am pretty much just going to wing it and go by my own rules.

So, what makes a film good? In my humble opinion...

-Cinematography supports the vision of the piece. The shots/lighting/filters/etc. should effectively portray the emotions occurring in the film. I really appreciate a color pallet that reflects the movie's tone.

-CGI and special effects should be used appropriately depending on the subject matter and format. Mixing media should enhance the piece, and not create a competition.

-Acting must emerge from a genuine place. It is better to go to with what would be the natural response from the character. Robert Deniro explained it well when he said, "In acting, I always try to go back to what would actually be the real situation, the real human behavior in life. It's the most difficult thing, and the easiest thing, and it's all you need - the truth of the moment. If you give too much, if you telegraph things, you weaken it."

-Soundtrack/score assists the mood(s) of the film. Using no sounds can also be affective.

-Adaptation to film does not necessarily need to hold the exact same content as the original work, but should attempt to capture its essence.

-All artistic media should reach a feeling of unity. Each element of the film should contribute to portraying its message and purpose.

I believe that there is no right or wrong answer to this question. We all have our own version of what makes a "good film." I would love to discuss this topic with anyone. Dissenting opinions are not only welcome, but encouraged.

i learnt all i need from you

2009-12-16T15:29:00.001-08:00

An Education. Directed by Lone Scherfig.

Listening to: "Hey Hey What Can I Do" - Led Zeppelin

Two out of one-hundred qualifications. It is a slow day at work for this college advisor.

I really need to go back to school. I feel lazy and slow. This lifestyle is causing my brain to bleed for knowledge. It is starving for education.

Speaking of education, I saw An Education last night. It was brilliant. I enjoy a sexy plot with no actual sex scenes. It makes it seem more mysterious. Other films that I have (finally) seen include, Baghead, How to Be, and Funny People. Baghead, directed by the Duplass Brothers, pokes fun at independent/horror films while portraying its characters in a charmingly bitter-sweet manner. How to Be was written and directed by Oliver Irving. My favorite aspect about this movie was the use of some real people instead of actors. Two non-actors (the director's BFFs in real life) played amplified versions of themselves. It is sort of reminiscent of the Italian neorealist movement. Judd Apatow's Funny People explores the darkness that rests inside of comedians. I found this very interesting. I love it when Apatow mixes comedy with sadness (it takes me back to Freaks and Geeks). It is quite refreshing. Dark comedies definitely speak to me.

So, I started working on screenplays again. I feel so inspired these days. Maybe I'll post a little excerpt sometime.

gutter-flower

2009-12-14T22:07:00.000-08:00

There goes the sun, 2008.

Listening to: "Whatever You Like" - Anya Marina

Some of the most beautiful things derive from the darkest places.

simile of the day

2009-12-12T14:26:00.000-08:00

I feel like a feather.

Listening to: "The Ocean" - The Bravery

Note: Streaming music is temporarily on hold until I find a new site (not Imeem). Any suggestions?

girl with hair ribbon

2009-12-05T00:53:00.000-08:00

!!!!!!

Listening to: "Umbrella" - Mechanical Bride

I think I will just leave some things for fate to pick up.

constellations

2009-11-25T13:18:00.000-08:00

The wheel of the zodiac. OOOOOOOO!

Listening to: "No Ceiling" - Eddie Vedder

***For the concerned: I apologize for the recent sullen tone of my blog. I'm already feeling much better.***

Okay kids, today we are going to talk about reading the stars!

I think astrology and horoscopes are super interesting. It's not my religion or anything, I just think it's fun and neat. It does cause for me to wonder if there actually is some truth to it or if it is all just a crazy coincidence. If anything, horoscopes are just some good advice.

Here is my astrological profile (provided by http://www.horoscope.com/)!!!!

CANCER

Symbol: The Crab
Element: Water
Group: Emotional
Polarity: Negative
Favorable Colors: White, Silver
Key Body Part: Stomach, Breasts
Chinese Zodiac Counterpart: Goat

Ruling Planet: Moon
Cross/Quality: Cardinal
House Ruled: Fourth
Opposite Sign: Capricorn
Lucky Gem: Pearls
Period: Jun 21 - Jul 22

Deeply intuitive and sentimental, Cancer can be one of the most challenging Zodiac signs to get to know. Emotion runs strong for this sign, and when it comes to family and home, nothing is more important. Sympathetic and empathetic, Cancerians are greatly attuned to those around them. Devotion is the keyword for this sign, making them wonderfully sensitive people to be around.

Cancer Key Words:

Strengths:Compassion, emotional sensitivity, fierce protection of loved ones, tenacity.
Weaknesses:Manipulative, indirect conflict, clinging to the past, insecure, packrat.
Charismatic marks:Medium build, round face, prominent breasts, a tendency to take charge.
Likes:Relaxing near or in water, art, home-based hobbies, a good meal with friends, helping loved ones.
Dislikes:Strangers, revealing of personal life, any criticism of Mom.
Best environment:Cancer will always be most comfortable at home, close to family, familiar things, and dear friends.

It's a little bit erie how much this reflects my personality. My horoscope for today seems pretty inspiring.

"To really improve yourself you have to tell yourself to push the limits of your potential farther then you have before. When you reach far, then you have to convince yourself to reach a little further and then a little bit more. Only by doing this can you reach your full potential."

Well, isn't that special? I guess I'd better start stretching if I'm going to be doing all that reaching.

shiver

2009-11-23T15:07:00.000-08:00

i can has no sad, plz?

Listening to: "No Sound but the Wind" - Editors

Can you hear the sounds
that escape my trembling lips
or the bones rattling in my skin.
They call for you to notice
the damage.

i fought the war but the war won't stop for the love of god

2009-11-20T15:09:00.000-08:00

The man that brought back the ass.

Listening to: "Monster Hospital" -Metric

I get some really lovely calls at work.

Me: Hello, is Thelma there?
Cratchety old lady (possibly Thelma): You obviously don't have any respect for your own ass if you're calling someone right when they get out of the hospital.

- click -

What this woman does not know is that I have plenty of respect for my own ass.

please me, tease me, go ahead and leave me

2009-11-18T14:14:00.000-08:00

The 90's were perfect...

i hollered "lordy, lordy have mercy on me."

2009-11-13T14:56:00.000-08:00

The man. The legend.

Listening to: "Cocaine Blues" - Johnny Cash

Here's a little bit of humor to get rid of the blues.

http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/

Get ready for some major LOLs.

my favorite game

2009-11-11T13:13:00.000-08:00

Just a little picture I found on Google.

Listening to: "My Favorite Game" - The Cardigans

Advice: Don't make someone your priority when you're their option.

Oh, but if it were that easy to take my own advice.

the hunger

2009-11-06T16:06:00.000-08:00

One of the greatest films of all time.

Listening to: "The Hunger" - The Distillers

I realize that my blog can be a real buzz kill, so let's talk optimistically about hopes and dreams.

My pipe-dream is to become a screenwriter/director/actor (triple threat, yo!). I want to create my own sub-genre. I'm currently (on and off) working on two projects, with about 5 other ideas in the backburner.

Right now the film industry seems to be looking at the past for their projects. Remakes of old movies and "new" movies about old television or literature seem to be as "innovative" as it gets. I really need to get my foot in the door so I can show the world what I can bring to the table. Maybe I am biased by saying that my ideas are interesting and creative, but I actually believe that if I had the opportunity then I can make a dent in the film world.

My goal is to cause for people to reflect after watching my work. I aspire to make the most beautiful and thought-provoking films. I want to show people something that they have never seen before. My favorite people in the industry are Charlie Kaufman and Quentin Tarantino. They seem to be two of the most inspired people out there.

Well, there you have it. My wildest dream is out!

i'm only sure that i'm not sure

2009-10-23T15:19:00.000-07:00

The gothloli style in Japan. So outrageously cool.

Listening to: "Artificial Sweetener" - No Doubt

My apologies for the blog neglect! Even though I spend 6 hours at a computer a day, I hardly seem to find the time and energy to write.

Halloween is approaching, and yes, even at twenty-two I am still wearing a costume. I am going to be a gothic lolita (*see image above). I'm going to take this opportunity to explain what lolita fashion is. Joke! Actually, I'm just going to post a Wikipedia link and save myself some time.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lolita_fashion

I hope that taught you a new little lesson. Consider yourself more cultured.

is confusing cuz you don’t know

2009-10-08T13:31:00.000-07:00

we're high above, but on the floor

2009-10-07T14:29:00.000-07:00

Zombie makeup in Return of the Living Dead, Part II

Listening to: "Addict" - K's Choice

I feel like the living dead. Autopilot on.

ghost story

2009-10-05T18:04:00.000-07:00

Creepy.

Listening to: "Haunted" - Poe

Just when I thought I had forgotten about them, the Ghosts of Christmas Past decides to pay a visit. FML.

temporary euphoria

2009-09-27T22:58:00.000-07:00

I want to own you!

Listening to: "Biscuit" - Portishead

It's 12:05 am and I am finally getting some "Me-time." I think I need to pencil that in more.

Today, on our (Mel, David, and me) way back from Idaho, I tried to initiate a game of "Deserted Island" (basically "Top Tens"). Due to their lack of interest, it failed miserably. I played the game with myself and made my list. I added a new category to it to meet the standards of technology (and easy access) today.

My list of (useless) things that I would want on a deserted island!!!

Books:
White Oleander by Janet Finch
Ghost World by Daniel Clowes
Paradise Lost by John Milton
The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky
Watchmen by Alan Moore and David Gibbons

Movies:
Adaptation
The Jacket
The Goonies
Secretary
Howl's Moving Castle

Discographies:
Garbage
The Goo Goo Dolls
Metric
Portishead
Ayumi Hamasaki

Television Shows:
The Office
South Park
Lost
Freaks and Geeks
Sailor Moon (Japanese w/ subtitles)

my kind's your kind, i'll stay the same

2009-09-12T12:51:00.000-07:00

Getting pumped about seeing the Yeah Yeah Yeahs tomorrow night! I can't wait to see Karen O!

and so it goes

2009-09-10T14:32:00.000-07:00

Googled "kitsch."

Listening to: "Soldier" - Ingrid Michaelson

Who has two thumbs and is streaming music from their blog?

This guy!

Now you can listen to what I listen to. Isn't that grand?

i can even become the devil if you wish for it

2009-09-09T16:18:00.000-07:00

Tommy heavenly6 rocks it.

Listening to: *See above

Question: Why do we try to deny reality?

baby, i'm bad news, bad news, bad news

2009-09-02T17:17:00.000-07:00

The truest book of all books.

Listening to: "Portions for Foxes" - Rilo Kiley

Mel and I were at Urban Outfitters the other day and she picked up this book called Stuff White People Like. While flipping through it, we discovered how white I actually am.

Here are some highlights:

-Hating people who wear Ed Hardy
-Taking a year off
-Japan
-Pea coats
-Girls with bangs
-Comparing people to Hitler
-Grammar
-Indie Music
-Sushi
-Arrested Development
-80's night
-Not having a TV
-David Sedaris
-Tea
-Wes Anderson movies
-Film festivals
-Religions that their parents don't belong to

Need I go on?

i think i need to find a bigger place. cos' when you have more than you think you need more space

2009-08-28T13:47:00.000-07:00

Band of Outsiders by Jean-Luc Godard. Probably one of the coolest scenes ever.

Listening to: "Society" - Eddie Vedder

After talking to John last night, I decided that it would be a crime and a damn shame if I didn't go into film. Here's to the future!

i'm trying to be more like jesus

2009-08-24T15:58:00.001-07:00

Googled "carpenter"

Listening to: "Achilles Last Stand" - Led Zeppelin

Do you know what really grinds my gears? Hanging things on walls. For some reason I lack the patience (that Jesus had) to screw in anchors and screws. I really just want to bang everything in the wall with a hammer. I know that is the improper way to do it, but I always get the urge to bang away. I can't help myself. If I ever say something along the lines of "Hey, I decided to become a carpenter/construction worker. I think that will really make me happy," then just put me in a paddy-wagon because I have gone loco.

so why do you fill my sorrow with the words you've borrowed?

2009-08-18T01:45:00.000-07:00

Googled "moving."

Listening to: "Delicate" - Damien Rice

This is my last night living at Belmont. The apartment looks so bare without all of my decor. I must admit, I made this place look pretty damn radical. I really hope that my new roommates at Wolverine Crossing (what a dumb name for a complex) appreciate my taste (and vise versa).

Anxiety is flowing through my veins right now. I keep telling myself that this is for the best, and that anywhere seems better than here. Apartment complexes just make me so self-conscious!

i'm a slow motion accident, lost in coffee rings and fingertips

2009-08-12T17:21:00.000-07:00

Googled "Hear Me Out" and found this gem!

Why do we feel the need to love? What does it even mean? How many definitions can we come up with? How many more will evolve? What are we going to do then?

I think I'm just hungry.

the times, they are a-changin'

2009-08-06T23:27:00.000-07:00

See those towers? That's where home is.

Listening to: "Through The Darkness" - Tiger Army

Chilling hard, talking about home, but thinking about things here. What is up with that?

i look back on where i'm from, look at the woman i've become

2009-07-28T22:19:00.000-07:00

This is a picture me at age 19 (don't even worry about it), cosplaying as Sailor Moon.

Listening to: "Wig In a Box" - Hedwig and the Angry Inch

Wow, my blog is kind of a buzz-kill. I swear I am not this melodramatic all of the time. Well, maybe...

My blog in high school was much more angst-ridden, if you can believe it. This is how much of a basket case I was. Don't you looovvve the awesome, Final Fantasy VIII inspired layout?

Tonight I was thinking about my childhood dream: to become a cartoonist. I used to draw some pretty profound comics when I was young. Getting into anime was pretty much fate. It's quite comical to me how some things about us never change. I still research anime and manga that I haven't read. I'm watching a new shoujo (meaning "girl") anime right now called Toradora. It's a really adorable, slice-of-life story about kids in high school. Maybe there is a reason behind why I still love high school dramas. I always wanted to have a shoujo manga ("girl comic book") experience. Can this post get any more nerdy? Possibly...

i have a thing for butterflies...

2009-07-17T14:20:00.000-07:00

Ayumi Hamasaki's album, ayu-mi-x III Acoustic Orchestra Version. A little fun-fact for today: my blog is titled after one of Ayu's songs!

Listening to: "Magnolia" - The Hush Sound

I am ready to climb out of my hole. I feel like a caterpillar stuck in a cocoon. I want to emerge from this mesh-like silk with colorful wings and the ability to fly. I just don't think I was made to be a lowly larva. Or maybe this is just the meds talking.

how did i get here?

2009-07-15T15:15:00.000-07:00

lolcats. One thing that makes me "lol" (hah, so clever!) without fail.

Listening to: "22" - Lily Allen

My life needs fixing. I've been complacent with living my life on autopilot, but I fear that my lifestyle has gotten the best of me. I feel like nothing; like vapor. I am inhaled and exhaled but never held in. Am I that toxic? At age twenty-two, how is it possible to hit rock-bottom for the fourth time in my life?

a letter

2009-07-10T13:51:00.000-07:00

Roy Lichtenstein's Drowning Girl.

Listening to: "Together" - The Raconteurs

To whom this may concern,

I'm so not important enough to gossip about, so please don't. Thanks!

Sincerely,

M

friendship is rare

2009-07-08T14:56:00.000-07:00

BFFF

Listening to: "Will You Return?" -The Avett Brothers

Allison left Utah last night. I haven't cried yet, but I usually don't cry until I'm alone. Luckily, I have people with me. I don't think it will hit me until I come home from work and she's not there. It's so hard to adjust when I am used to seeing someone every day and now she's not around. I mean, you know you have found a good friend when people think you're gay with them. :)

is real really dead? cause it looks so damn good.

2009-06-26T10:10:00.000-07:00

Party Monster. I want to look THIS fabulous tonight for Infected Mushroom.

Listening to: "New World" - Devotchka

I keep forgetting about my blog! I am going to a rave tonight, and I feel so 1998. Hopefully I won't get roofied and gang raped.

your smile's on fire, and my heart won't let you down

2009-06-17T13:14:00.000-07:00

The Virgin Suicides. I have watched this movie twice this week.

Listening to: "Xavia" - The Submarines

I never thought I'd see the day... I kind of like Provo. It took me two years, but I've met some really amazing people and I've experienced things that I never imagined. Plus, my younger sister Melissa is making the trek here (today, actually), so that opens up another window of possibilities.

Post script: My twenty-first year is coming to an end, and let me tell you, it's been one hell of a time.